My last twenty something days. Last night, I though about the beginning of 2012. It was a sunny day. A month has almost passed and I feel heavy. It seems like I had lost the energy and excitement when the New Year first arrived. Was it because of busyness? Or was it because of my heart and mind was busy thinking? Let me try to write down what was on my mind…

*****

羅馬尼亞人民上街…在首都布加勒斯特大學廣場…本來是就政府醫療政治而示威。過了幾天，人們懷的必然是更多不同的原因。新聞片段，想到他們的89 年。想到他們的89，就想到我的89…看到人的面容，心情重了。再深入的去想，我們上街發聲，為的是什麼？我說是，真真正正為的是什麼？過去也好，現在也 好。是為公義？還是為己身？想到主耶穌言論挑戰當時猶太人領袖，為的是什麼呢？是為上主的國度？現今世上，還有多少義人？還是我該從另一角度看。若在人的 面容找到對生命的熱情，不是該感動嗎？

The people of Romania got on the street to demonstrate… at the University Square in Bucharest… it all began with people showing their disagreement to the medical policy. And after few days, everyone had their own reason to be on the streets. Watching the news, thinking about their 1989. And from their 1989, I though about my 1989. Looking at the people’s faces, I felt not easy. Deeper thoughts… What is the reason we protest? I mean the real reason. No matter in the past or now. Is it for justice? Is it for righteousness? Or is it for our selfishness? I thought about Jesus. He challenged the Jewish leaders at that time for what? For God’s kingdom? How many righteous man left on earth now?  Or maybe I should think in another perspective. I should celebrate when I could see passion on people faces.

*****

一天跟朋友討論對創新、對冒險的看法。我明白到人沒勇氣冒險、沒勇氣面對失敗是如何叫人洩氣的事。 但事事只求創新，而放棄了舊事、舊物價值，又不何嘗是叫人洩氣的？新和舊，不該是對立的。讓我以物件作比喻。我喜歡黑膠唱片多於mp3，喜歡菲林多於數碼 影像，我喜歡收信多於email。 但我的喜好沒有使我對新事物有所反抗，也不是因為我一味懷舊不願接受新事物。 相反我關注的是各媒體本身特性，了解它才能明白真正的價值。 新東西的出現，不是為取締舊有的，而是為創出更多的可能性。生活也是一樣。當人人追求方便、追求快、新。我的冒險精神，不就是在逆流中保存另種一生活節奏與模式？

I chat with my friend about the ideas of “new things” and “taking risk”. I understood how discouraging when people not dare to take risk and afraid of making mistake.  But if we only looking for the “new” and forget about the value of the “old”, this is also discouraging for me. “New” and “old” should never be against each other. Let me use “things” to be an example. I like record and not mp3. I prefer film than digital image. I like to read a letter more than an email. This does not mean that I am rejecting the “new things” or only indulge myself in the past. My concern is the uniqueness of each medium. Learning about each one of them so that I could understand their true value. “New things” is not meant to replace the old but to create possibility. In life, when people are chasing for the new and convenience way. I take the risk to go off the main stream, to protect another kind of lifestyle.

*****

Joyce的賀年包裹中，有《天與地》全套。 兩星期，我把劇集看完了。劇有好有不夠好的地方，我無意在此多談。只想說它讓我想到我的城市，它曾是多麼的美麗獨特。現在呢？不是因為我離家短短一年半的 關係，而是我從不知什麼時候起，我對自己的城市早已感到陌生。題外話。不由自主的，我竟然想到家駒。你們呢？

Joyce sent me a Chinese New Year package. In the package, there is a video of a new TV drama from Hong Kong. I finished the whole show in two weeks. I am not trying to talk about the TV drama here. I just want to say that the show makes me think of my city, Hong Kong. It was once so beautiful and unique. And now? It is not because I have been away from home for 1 and a half-year, but I don’t know since when, I became a stranger of my city.

*****

日前得知導演安哲羅普洛斯於24日逝世的消息，心中有著淡淡哀愁。謝謝他的電影，他的影象曾震撼我心，他電影中的音樂曾在學院的走廊流動。記得跟朋友談過，現今還有電影大師嗎？我們好像沒有下結論，只感到這時代可能容不下大師了。

聖誕節，Titus給我買了DVD作禮物。是黑澤明的《酩酊天使》(1948)。收禮物時我笑不停，因他跟本不知那電影好不好看,也不知黑澤明是誰，如此勇敢的買了這DVD給對電影什是挑剔的我。看電影後他很是興奮。過了一星期，很心急的又要看書架上我的《七武士》 (1954) 。Titus說這導演已成為我最喜歡的了！

有沒有大師問題還重要嗎？只要知道有些東西是永恆的，這便已足夠。

Director Theo Angelopoulos passed away on the 24^th. Thank you so much for his films. Thank you for his images that touched my heart. And the music from his films were once flowing in the hallway of my university campus. Once I had a discussion with my friend,

questioning if there are still film master now days? We didn’t have a conclusion. I  felt that this era could not fit in a master any more.

Christmas, Titus bought me a DVD. Drunken Angel (1948) from Akira Kurosawa. I couldn’t stop laughing when I received his gift. Cos he had no idea if the film is good or not. And he had no idea who Kurosawa is. Titus was just too brave to buy a DVD as a gift for his wife who is so picky on film. He was so excited after watching the movie. And a week later, he couldn’t wait to see Seven Samurai (1954) in my collection. When the film ended, he said this director is now his favorite.

Does it really matter if there is still film master or not? It is good enough if there is something that could last eternal.

*****

把一段段腦海中浮現過的事記錄下來。是不完整的，可是我發現它們的共同性。今天,與T到海邊Casino，想不到這多年關閉的地方竟開放給市民參觀。破落與華麗同一時間出現眼前。看到窗外的黑海，總是美麗。

Finally jot down all my fragmented thoughts. They are not complete but I realize they are actually dots on the same line. Today, Titus and I went to Casino by the seaside. This building had been closed for years and we were surprise that it opened for public today. Decline and splendor came into my eye at the same time. Looking out of the window. The Black Sea is always gorgeous.

New Year Day, we took some leeks home from the farm. But I had no experience in cooking them. I met Joyce* online the other day, talked about fresh leek and she suggested that I should try to make the leek potato soup. First try. Taste extremely good.

1月1日，在農場拿了些韭蔥回家，我可從沒有煮韭蔥的經驗。在網上看到Joyce*，說到新鮮韭蔥，她說用來做薯仔燙吧！第一次煮韭蔥薯仔燙，非常美味。

***

Calvin Lee* and his family came for lunch not long ago. I served the dried mushroom that shipped from Hong Kong. Mrs. Lee told me that Korean loves to cook with dried mushroom as well but it is hard to find here. We also talked about bean curd, here we could only find the salty one. When Calvin and his family were missionary in Africa, Mrs. Lee made bean curd by herself even though it is hard to find soy bean there. After lunch, we gave them the rest of the dried mushroom as present and they were glad.

This morning, Calvin called and said his wife made some bean curd and like to give us some as well. They drove to our apartment, as they are in a rush, we received their gift in front of our block. Calvin said with a smile that they didn’t make a lot this time, and I said next time I will learn to make it with Mrs. Lee. This is a cloudy and windy day. Bean curd looks so white and peaceful.

不久前我們邀請了Calvin*一家人到來吃午飯。我用從香港寄來的冬菇宴客，Calvin太太說韓國人也愛吃冬菇，不過在這邊很難找到。我們又談到豆腐，在這兒到的只有鹹豆腐。Calvin一家在非洲宣教時，太太會自己做豆腐，不過黃豆不易找。飯後我們送還餘下的冬菇給他們，他們高興的收下。

這個早上，Calvin來電，說太太做了豆腐要給我們一些。他們開車到我們家，由於時間趕著，我們在門外收下親手做的豆腐。Calvin說做的不多，我說下一回我要學怎樣做。今天天陰大風，豆腐白白的很平靜。

***

Food make me think of hands. My hands that pull the leeks out of the field, hands that grow them in the farm, Mrs. Lee hands that made bean curd, Titus hands that chopping potatoes, Joyce hands that sent us the dried mushroom. Food shows our passion to life, shows love between people. In the last few weeks, we have been visiting friends and ate delicious food. The beauty and taste of the food, came people love to us.

這些食物，讓我想到雙手。我從農地拔出韭蔥的手、種韭蔥的人的手、Calvin太太做豆腐的手、Titus切薯仔的手、Joyce寄冬菇來的手。食物展現了對生命的熱愛，展現人與人之間的情。過去幾星期到朋友家中作客，吃到美味的菜色。食物的美，來自人們給我們的愛。

2012的第一天，與朋友們到農場一回。Jonathan愛爬樹，我則把那一刻記錄下來。就這樣開始吧!

The first day of 2012, we went to the farm with our friends. Jonathan loves to climb tree. I captured the moment. A new beginning starts here.

Same as all other Bresson’s works, Diary of a Country Priest was so precisely made. Bresson powerfully used cinematography (remarks: “cinematography” for Bresson has the special meaning of creative film-making which thoroughly exploits the nature of film as such. It should not be confused with the work of a cameraman.)  and sound through out the film. I couldn’t stop myself thinking about every single shots of the movie.

Just went back to my little book Notes on the Cinematographerr (by Robert Bresson):

Two types of film: those that employ the resources of the theatre (actors, direction, etc.) and use the camera in order to reproduce; those that employ the resources of cinematography and use the camera to create.

I always dream that I could make a film that share the same idea of Bresson. But it is so difficult and I realise my mind could never be so clear and detail.

I don’t have more word to talk about this film. Afterall, this isn’t a critical writing and I just like to share that I saw a film that moved my heart.

A quote from the ending of the film (as from the original novel by Georges Bernanos):

He did not seem to hear me. But a few moments later he put his hand on mine and his eyes clearly indicated that I should lean closer. He then said very slowly, but altogether distinctly, the following words, which I record here exactly:

“What does it matter? All is grace.”

He died, I believe, just after.