大概是

那天我站在禮堂中，身邊是認識不夠一星期、來自德國的交換生。忽然，我內心有一股強烈的感動。那一刻我對這女孩有一份難以形容的愛，很希望她能得到最好的，也願她的生命活得充實。頓了一會我又想，這份愛不是出於我的感覺。我跟她認識不深，說不上投契、還不是什麼朋友。那大概就是上主的愛。與此同時神本身也就是愛，那一刻的震撼大概是體味著與主同在。

01:39

又一個晚上睡不著.讀龔的blog,好文.在此分享:

Another sleepless night. Reading Kung’s blog. Good article, share it here:

Baptism of the Spirit (Mk1:4-11)

If you are asked how long you haven’t preached the gospel to your friends and relatives, how would you answer? You may be embarrassed how to answer. But I would argue that this question is wrongly asked. For me, the basic question is not preaching, but whether our lives are a witness to Jesus Christ as our Lord. The gospel is to be seen more than to be heard. This is the story of John the Baptist.

The role of John the Baptist is to prepare the way of the Lord, not for the sake to make the way easier for the Lord, but for the sake of the people to receive the Lord. In fact, Jesus never finds his way easier (Mk 14:36). John the Baptist is very clear his preparatory role, and he is happy to play such a role. We do not know much about his life, but the Scripture describes him clothed with camel’s hair, with a leather belt around his waist, and he ate locusts and wild honey. Who is this guy? Firstly, he may be a nazarite who voluntary takes the vow to be separated for God (Nu 6:1-21), for what Luke 1:15 has said about him, ‘drink no wine or liquor’, and this is what a nazarite has to be (Nu 6:3). Secondly, he may be a prophet, for clothed with camel’s hair is a common dressing among prophets at that time (Zech 13:4). Thirdly, he may be an ascetic, for eating locust and wild honey has implied his attempt to live on food that grows by itself instead of spending too much time on farming and keeping chicken. Fourthly, since the setting where John the Baptist is working is the wilderness, it is in contrast with the temple cult in Jerusalem. We can see later that John the Baptist’s fearless criticism of Herod Antipas (6:18) echoes Elijah’s confrontations with King Ahab (1Kings 18:18). Therefore, we can conclude that John the Baptist is more than the one who makes vow to be separated for God and lives ascetically, but also is the prophet who challenges the immoral and injustice of both the religious and secular authorities.

I would say that people at that time are persuaded to receive a baptism of repentance not just by John’s preaching, but also by his life, a nazarite, a prophet, an ascetic and a social activist. His life may help to build up his status. Unlike many charismatic leaders, John the Baptist is clear his preparatory role. He said, ‘The one who is more powerful than I is coming after me; I am not worthy to stoop down and untie the thong of his sandals.’ This is more than being humble, but also faithful to his call, that is, preparing the way of the Lord. The story of John the Baptist is not only asking us to repent, but also inviting us to be his comrades, not in the sense of eating locusts and wild honey only, but being humble to the Lord and prepare the way of the Lord. This invitation should not be a burden for our lives, for John the Baptist continues to say that ‘I have baptized you with water; but he (Jesus Christ) will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.’ It is in the baptism of the Holy Spirit that we are empowered.

Baptism of the Holy Spirit reminds us that we are children of God. Since we are the children of God, we are no longer servants. Since we are God’s children, we are loved and cared by God. No matter how well you have done or how misery your life may be, you are God’s children and you are still embraced. It is not the achievement that determines that you are God’s children, but rather it is the baptism of the Holy Spirit.

Baptism of the Holy Spirit reminds us that we have a new life. It is not just about restart, but a life with orientation and focus different from before. A new life is not marked whether you can play majong occasionally, but whether you are humble to God, that is, seeing your life as a means to serve instead of to gain for your own. We have to reflect in the light of the Holy Spirit what is humble to God as being a pastor, a housewife, a teacher, a manager, and a leader. Humble has nothing related to a soft character, but it is more about not abuse of power for our own.

Lastly, baptism of the Holy Spirit reminds us that we are gifted in order to serve God and others. Is speaking in tongue a necessary sign? Christians have discussed this since the early church. Paul in Cor 13 tells us that love amongst hope and faith is the greatest, but I would like to add the fourth, namely, courage. We need the courage not for the sake to fight, but the courage to be. ‘To be’ includes the courage to live in tragedy without loosing hope and fear, but with love and forgiveness.

When Jesus was receiving John’s baptism, the heavens torn apart and the Spirit descending like a dove on him. And a voice came from heaven, ‘You are my Son, the Beloved, I am well pleased.’ Let our faith in Jesus strengthen us to receive baptism of the Holy Spirit.

大風吹

大風吹，吹了兩天，從沒有間斷。我與T也病了兩天，是感冒。雖然身體軟弱，但不知是否風聲太厲害，叫我的心也平靜不來。想到從前,想到一些選擇的時刻。你有沒有想到在生命中，曾有一些獨特的時刻要你去選擇? 我想到年輕時到現在的三個片段。

中一下學年，我是插班生。不知是新上學的第一還是第二天，兩伙新同學們叫我一起到禮堂上早會，坐在一起。這次的選擇給我很深的印象。叫我相信若然那一個早上，我不是跟這一伙一起坐在禮堂,我的生命會有什麼改變。我的朋友圈子會不同，接下來初中的生活大概是另一個模樣。

另一個片段，自己本來沒有深刻的感受，但卻因為別人的提問,叫我想到這抉擇的重要性。到外國升學，兩所學院分別接受了我的報名。除了我選擇的San Francisco Art Institute，就是Columbia University。記得在SFAI時，我有位學士生朋友。他當時正準備報讀碩士課程。當他知道我曾有機會到哥倫比亞大學，他不停的問我為什麼?為什麼我不選哥倫比亞? 我從沒察覺這一選擇的重要性。是的，究竟為什麼?原因我是知道的，但若然我真的到了紐約，日子又會如何?

還有一個片段，是差不多六年前的事。那時我為著一些我以為很重要的事情，說了一個大話。這個大話牽連我要作出相應的行動。一切也不過發生在一小時內。我最終決定停止我本來要作的，又以另一大話完了之前的謊話。我不知道若然我決定繼續自作的故事，我的生活會有什麼改變。但我卻相信自己的決定是對的。

生活中的選擇，似有大有小。也許到什麼學校唸書，最終也是差不多。跟那一班朋友玩，也可以結交知心。可是若然我作出的選擇表現了我的價值觀、對生命的態度，這似乎才是關鍵。這些看似微小的關鍵性的選擇，每一天在我們的生活中出現。每天每刻的選擇，叫我成為怎樣的一個人。

碎片 Fragments

這二十多天過得怎樣了？昨晚在床上想到2012年的開始，那是陽光燦爛的一天。一個月快過去，人感到沉重。似是失去了剛踏入這一年時的衝勁。是因為工作忙？還是腦袋心靈沒法休息？讓我試試記下思想段落…

My last twenty something days. Last night, I though about the beginning of 2012. It was a sunny day. A month has almost passed and I feel heavy. It seems like I had lost the energy and excitement when the New Year first arrived. Was it because of busyness? Or was it because of my heart and mind was busy thinking? Let me try to write down what was on my mind…

*****

羅馬尼亞人民上街…在首都布加勒斯特大學廣場…本來是就政府醫療政治而示威。過了幾天，人們懷的必然是更多不同的原因。新聞片段，想到他們的89 年。想到他們的89，就想到我的89…看到人的面容，心情重了。再深入的去想，我們上街發聲，為的是什麼？我說是，真真正正為的是什麼？過去也好，現在也 好。是為公義？還是為己身？想到主耶穌言論挑戰當時猶太人領袖，為的是什麼呢？是為上主的國度？現今世上，還有多少義人？還是我該從另一角度看。若在人的 面容找到對生命的熱情，不是該感動嗎？

The people of Romania got on the street to demonstrate… at the University Square in Bucharest… it all began with people showing their disagreement to the medical policy. And after few days, everyone had their own reason to be on the streets. Watching the news, thinking about their 1989. And from their 1989, I though about my 1989. Looking at the people’s faces, I felt not easy. Deeper thoughts… What is the reason we protest? I mean the real reason. No matter in the past or now. Is it for justice? Is it for righteousness? Or is it for our selfishness? I thought about Jesus. He challenged the Jewish leaders at that time for what? For God’s kingdom? How many righteous man left on earth now?  Or maybe I should think in another perspective. I should celebrate when I could see passion on people faces.

*****

一天跟朋友討論對創新、對冒險的看法。我明白到人沒勇氣冒險、沒勇氣面對失敗是如何叫人洩氣的事。 但事事只求創新，而放棄了舊事、舊物價值，又不何嘗是叫人洩氣的？新和舊，不該是對立的。讓我以物件作比喻。我喜歡黑膠唱片多於mp3，喜歡菲林多於數碼 影像，我喜歡收信多於email。 但我的喜好沒有使我對新事物有所反抗，也不是因為我一味懷舊不願接受新事物。 相反我關注的是各媒體本身特性，了解它才能明白真正的價值。 新東西的出現，不是為取締舊有的，而是為創出更多的可能性。生活也是一樣。當人人追求方便、追求快、新。我的冒險精神，不就是在逆流中保存另種一生活節奏與模式？

I chat with my friend about the ideas of “new things” and “taking risk”. I understood how discouraging when people not dare to take risk and afraid of making mistake.  But if we only looking for the “new” and forget about the value of the “old”, this is also discouraging for me. “New” and “old” should never be against each other. Let me use “things” to be an example. I like record and not mp3. I prefer film than digital image. I like to read a letter more than an email. This does not mean that I am rejecting the “new things” or only indulge myself in the past. My concern is the uniqueness of each medium. Learning about each one of them so that I could understand their true value. “New things” is not meant to replace the old but to create possibility. In life, when people are chasing for the new and convenience way. I take the risk to go off the main stream, to protect another kind of lifestyle.

*****

Joyce的賀年包裹中，有《天與地》全套。 兩星期，我把劇集看完了。劇有好有不夠好的地方，我無意在此多談。只想說它讓我想到我的城市，它曾是多麼的美麗獨特。現在呢？不是因為我離家短短一年半的 關係，而是我從不知什麼時候起，我對自己的城市早已感到陌生。題外話。不由自主的，我竟然想到家駒。你們呢？

Joyce sent me a Chinese New Year package. In the package, there is a video of a new TV drama from Hong Kong. I finished the whole show in two weeks. I am not trying to talk about the TV drama here. I just want to say that the show makes me think of my city, Hong Kong. It was once so beautiful and unique. And now? It is not because I have been away from home for 1 and a half-year, but I don’t know since when, I became a stranger of my city.

*****

日前得知導演安哲羅普洛斯於24日逝世的消息，心中有著淡淡哀愁。謝謝他的電影，他的影象曾震撼我心，他電影中的音樂曾在學院的走廊流動。記得跟朋友談過，現今還有電影大師嗎？我們好像沒有下結論，只感到這時代可能容不下大師了。

聖誕節，Titus給我買了DVD作禮物。是黑澤明的《酩酊天使》(1948)。收禮物時我笑不停，因他跟本不知那電影好不好看,也不知黑澤明是誰，如此勇敢的買了這DVD給對電影什是挑剔的我。看電影後他很是興奮。過了一星期，很心急的又要看書架上我的《七武士》 (1954) 。Titus說這導演已成為我最喜歡的了！

有沒有大師問題還重要嗎？只要知道有些東西是永恆的，這便已足夠。

Director Theo Angelopoulos passed away on the 24^th. Thank you so much for his films. Thank you for his images that touched my heart. And the music from his films were once flowing in the hallway of my university campus. Once I had a discussion with my friend,

questioning if there are still film master now days? We didn’t have a conclusion. I  felt that this era could not fit in a master any more.

Christmas, Titus bought me a DVD. Drunken Angel (1948) from Akira Kurosawa. I couldn’t stop laughing when I received his gift. Cos he had no idea if the film is good or not. And he had no idea who Kurosawa is. Titus was just too brave to buy a DVD as a gift for his wife who is so picky on film. He was so excited after watching the movie. And a week later, he couldn’t wait to see Seven Samurai (1954) in my collection. When the film ended, he said this director is now his favorite.

Does it really matter if there is still film master or not? It is good enough if there is something that could last eternal.

*****

把一段段腦海中浮現過的事記錄下來。是不完整的，可是我發現它們的共同性。今天,與T到海邊Casino，想不到這多年關閉的地方竟開放給市民參觀。破落與華麗同一時間出現眼前。看到窗外的黑海，總是美麗。

Finally jot down all my fragmented thoughts. They are not complete but I realize they are actually dots on the same line. Today, Titus and I went to Casino by the seaside. This building had been closed for years and we were surprise that it opened for public today. Decline and splendor came into my eye at the same time. Looking out of the window. The Black Sea is always gorgeous.

leek, mushroom, bean curd 韭蔥、冬菇、豆腐

New Year Day, we took some leeks home from the farm. But I had no experience in cooking them. I met Joyce* online the other day, talked about fresh leek and she suggested that I should try to make the leek potato soup. First try. Taste extremely good.

1月1日，在農場拿了些韭蔥回家，我可從沒有煮韭蔥的經驗。在網上看到Joyce*，說到新鮮韭蔥，她說用來做薯仔燙吧！第一次煮韭蔥薯仔燙，非常美味。

***

Calvin Lee* and his family came for lunch not long ago. I served the dried mushroom that shipped from Hong Kong. Mrs. Lee told me that Korean loves to cook with dried mushroom as well but it is hard to find here. We also talked about bean curd, here we could only find the salty one. When Calvin and his family were missionary in Africa, Mrs. Lee made bean curd by herself even though it is hard to find soy bean there. After lunch, we gave them the rest of the dried mushroom as present and they were glad.

This morning, Calvin called and said his wife made some bean curd and like to give us some as well. They drove to our apartment, as they are in a rush, we received their gift in front of our block. Calvin said with a smile that they didn’t make a lot this time, and I said next time I will learn to make it with Mrs. Lee. This is a cloudy and windy day. Bean curd looks so white and peaceful.

不久前我們邀請了Calvin*一家人到來吃午飯。我用從香港寄來的冬菇宴客，Calvin太太說韓國人也愛吃冬菇，不過在這邊很難找到。我們又談到豆腐，在這兒到的只有鹹豆腐。Calvin一家在非洲宣教時，太太會自己做豆腐，不過黃豆不易找。飯後我們送還餘下的冬菇給他們，他們高興的收下。

這個早上，Calvin來電，說太太做了豆腐要給我們一些。他們開車到我們家，由於時間趕著，我們在門外收下親手做的豆腐。Calvin說做的不多，我說下一回我要學怎樣做。今天天陰大風，豆腐白白的很平靜。

***

Food make me think of hands. My hands that pull the leeks out of the field, hands that grow them in the farm, Mrs. Lee hands that made bean curd, Titus hands that chopping potatoes, Joyce hands that sent us the dried mushroom. Food shows our passion to life, shows love between people. In the last few weeks, we have been visiting friends and ate delicious food. The beauty and taste of the food, came people love to us.

這些食物，讓我想到雙手。我從農地拔出韭蔥的手、種韭蔥的人的手、Calvin太太做豆腐的手、Titus切薯仔的手、Joyce寄冬菇來的手。食物展現了對生命的熱愛，展現人與人之間的情。過去幾星期到朋友家中作客，吃到美味的菜色。食物的美，來自人們給我們的愛。