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this is life

(已超過一年半沒有寫Blog。這次寫寫,不代表接下來會定時貼文。但這仍是我一直以來的心願。I haven’t written on my blog for more than 1.5 year now. Even though I wish that I could post regularly, this new entry doesn’t guarantee what I will do in the future here.)

剛度過了我的生晨。沒有什麼特別的慶祝,只是和T到C城唯一的日本小店,我吃拉麵,他吃豬排飯。自離 開香港,生日也是這麼簡單的度過。今年心情卻有一點不同,我想多了一點。想到我的過去,如何走到現在的自己。最近的兩年,我對生命的重量,有更深一層的體 會。而這重量帶來的磨練,叫我看得比從前透澈。正因為看得清了,面對每一天,我也更是認真。認真,我喜歡。

1978年10月8日下午,我在香港浸會醫院出生了。

My birthday just passed. I didn’t do anything too special to celebrate my birthday but went to the only Japanese restaurant in city C with T. I had ramen noodles and T had pork chop with rice. Since I left Hong Kong, my birthdays had been simple. This year, I felt a little different. I think more about my past. Think about how my past leaded my way to the present. The last two year, I have a deeper understanding of the weight of life. The heaviness brought challenges and it taught me to see more clearly. And as I could see more clearly, I face my day more seriously. I like to be serious.

October 8th, 1978, afternoon, I was born.

這二十多天過得怎樣了?昨晚在床上想到2012年的開始,那是陽光燦爛的一天。一個月快過去,人感到沉重。似是失去了剛踏入這一年時的衝勁。是因為工作忙?還是腦袋心靈沒法休息?讓我試試記下思想段落…

My last twenty something days. Last night, I though about the beginning of 2012. It was a sunny day. A month has almost passed and I feel heavy. It seems like I had lost the energy and excitement when the New Year first arrived. Was it because of busyness? Or was it because of my heart and mind was busy thinking? Let me try to write down what was on my mind…

*****

羅馬尼亞人民上街…在首都布加勒斯特大學廣場…本來是就政府醫療政治而示威。過了幾天,人們懷的必然是更多不同的原因。新聞片段,想到他們的89 年。想到他們的89,就想到我的89…看到人的面容,心情重了。再深入的去想,我們上街發聲,為的是什麼?我說是,真真正正為的是什麼?過去也好,現在也 好。是為公義?還是為己身?想到主耶穌言論挑戰當時猶太人領袖,為的是什麼呢?是為上主的國度?現今世上,還有多少義人?還是我該從另一角度看。若在人的 面容找到對生命的熱情,不是該感動嗎?

The people of Romania got on the street to demonstrate… at the University Square in Bucharest… it all began with people showing their disagreement to the medical policy. And after few days, everyone had their own reason to be on the streets. Watching the news, thinking about their 1989. And from their 1989, I though about my 1989. Looking at the people’s faces, I felt not easy. Deeper thoughts… What is the reason we protest? I mean the real reason. No matter in the past or now. Is it for justice? Is it for righteousness? Or is it for our selfishness? I thought about Jesus. He challenged the Jewish leaders at that time for what? For God’s kingdom? How many righteous man left on earth now?  Or maybe I should think in another perspective. I should celebrate when I could see passion on people faces.

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一天跟朋友討論對創新、對冒險的看法。我明白到人沒勇氣冒險、沒勇氣面對失敗是如何叫人洩氣的事。 但事事只求創新,而放棄了舊事、舊物價值,又不何嘗是叫人洩氣的?新和舊,不該是對立的。讓我以物件作比喻。我喜歡黑膠唱片多於mp3,喜歡菲林多於數碼 影像,我喜歡收信多於email。 但我的喜好沒有使我對新事物有所反抗,也不是因為我一味懷舊不願接受新事物。 相反我關注的是各媒體本身特性,了解它才能明白真正的價值。 新東西的出現,不是為取締舊有的,而是為創出更多的可能性。生活也是一樣。當人人追求方便、追求快、新。我的冒險精神,不就是在逆流中保存另種一生活節奏與模式?

I chat with my friend about the ideas of “new things” and “taking risk”. I understood how discouraging when people not dare to take risk and afraid of making mistake.  But if we only looking for the “new” and forget about the value of the “old”, this is also discouraging for me. “New” and “old” should never be against each other. Let me use “things” to be an example. I like record and not mp3. I prefer film than digital image. I like to read a letter more than an email. This does not mean that I am rejecting the “new things” or only indulge myself in the past. My concern is the uniqueness of each medium. Learning about each one of them so that I could understand their true value. “New things” is not meant to replace the old but to create possibility. In life, when people are chasing for the new and convenience way. I take the risk to go off the main stream, to protect another kind of lifestyle.

*****

Joyce的賀年包裹中,有《天與地》全套。 兩星期,我把劇集看完了。劇有好有不夠好的地方,我無意在此多談。只想說它讓我想到我的城市,它曾是多麼的美麗獨特。現在呢?不是因為我離家短短一年半的 關係,而是我從不知什麼時候起,我對自己的城市早已感到陌生。題外話。不由自主的,我竟然想到家駒。你們呢?

Joyce sent me a Chinese New Year package. In the package, there is a video of a new TV drama from Hong Kong. I finished the whole show in two weeks. I am not trying to talk about the TV drama here. I just want to say that the show makes me think of my city, Hong Kong. It was once so beautiful and unique. And now? It is not because I have been away from home for 1 and a half-year, but I don’t know since when, I became a stranger of my city.

*****

日前得知導演安哲羅普洛斯於24日逝世的消息,心中有著淡淡哀愁。謝謝他的電影,他的影象曾震撼我心,他電影中的音樂曾在學院的走廊流動。記得跟朋友談過,現今還有電影大師嗎?我們好像沒有下結論,只感到這時代可能容不下大師了。

聖誕節,Titus給我買了DVD作禮物。是黑澤明的《酩酊天使》(1948)。收禮物時我笑不停,因他跟本不知那電影好不好看,也不知黑澤明是誰,如此勇敢的買了這DVD給對電影什是挑剔的我。看電影後他很是興奮。過了一星期,很心急的又要看書架上我的《七武士》 (1954) 。Titus說這導演已成為我最喜歡的了!

有沒有大師問題還重要嗎?只要知道有些東西是永恆的,這便已足夠。

Director Theo Angelopoulos passed away on the 24th. Thank you so much for his films. Thank you for his images that touched my heart. And the music from his films were once flowing in the hallway of my university campus. Once I had a discussion with my friend,

questioning if there are still film master now days? We didn’t have a conclusion. I  felt that this era could not fit in a master any more.

Christmas, Titus bought me a DVD. Drunken Angel (1948) from Akira Kurosawa. I couldn’t stop laughing when I received his gift. Cos he had no idea if the film is good or not. And he had no idea who Kurosawa is. Titus was just too brave to buy a DVD as a gift for his wife who is so picky on film. He was so excited after watching the movie. And a week later, he couldn’t wait to see Seven Samurai (1954) in my collection. When the film ended, he said this director is now his favorite.

Does it really matter if there is still film master or not? It is good enough if there is something that could last eternal.

*****

把一段段腦海中浮現過的事記錄下來。是不完整的,可是我發現它們的共同性。今天,與T到海邊Casino,想不到這多年關閉的地方竟開放給市民參觀。破落與華麗同一時間出現眼前。看到窗外的黑海,總是美麗。

Finally jot down all my fragmented thoughts. They are not complete but I realize they are actually dots on the same line. Today, Titus and I went to Casino by the seaside. This building had been closed for years and we were surprise that it opened for public today. Decline and splendor came into my eye at the same time. Looking out of the window. The Black Sea is always gorgeous.

已是12月,這一年過得特別快,而我在這兒也只記下五段小事。自6月起也沒有在此寫下什麼,全因腦袋、心靈忙於體會充實的生活。我寫東西很慢,還沒想通一句句子,所想之事以已經轉了好幾回。以下是過去數月的閃回,用圖像代替文字,展現的卻只是現實的小部分。

It is December already. This year passed especially fast. I only put down 5 pieces of life here. Since June, I didn’t have a chance to write anything at this place. My heart and soul were experiencing fullness of life.  I write very slow. When ever I tried to form a sentence in my head, the idea already changed. The following are flashback of the past few months. I am using images instead of text. But what they are presenting are only glimpses of reality.

七月July - DTS畢業 DTS Graduation

八月August 龔來訪 Kung's visit

八月August 我們登羅馬尼亞的山 We clambed the mountain in Romania

九月September 準備過冬 prepare for the Winter

十月October 母親來訪 Mom's visit

十一月November 上課 leadership course