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(已超過一年半沒有寫Blog。這次寫寫，不代表接下來會定時貼文。但這仍是我一直以來的心願。I haven’t written on my blog for more than 1.5 year now. Even though I wish that I could post regularly, this new entry doesn’t guarantee what I will do in the future here.)

剛度過了我的生晨。沒有什麼特別的慶祝，只是和T到C城唯一的日本小店，我吃拉麵，他吃豬排飯。自離 開香港，生日也是這麼簡單的度過。今年心情卻有一點不同，我想多了一點。想到我的過去，如何走到現在的自己。最近的兩年，我對生命的重量，有更深一層的體 會。而這重量帶來的磨練，叫我看得比從前透澈。正因為看得清了，面對每一天，我也更是認真。認真，我喜歡。

1978年10月8日下午，我在香港浸會醫院出生了。

My birthday just passed. I didn’t do anything too special to celebrate my birthday but went to the only Japanese restaurant in city C with T. I had ramen noodles and T had pork chop with rice. Since I left Hong Kong, my birthdays had been simple. This year, I felt a little different. I think more about my past. Think about how my past leaded my way to the present. The last two year, I have a deeper understanding of the weight of life. The heaviness brought challenges and it taught me to see more clearly. And as I could see more clearly, I face my day more seriously. I like to be serious.

October 8th, 1978, afternoon, I was born.

11012014

2014年第十一天，完整了去年的相片選。

我們的2013年, 豈只是相片所紀錄的。
真光臨到世上。以馬內利，願你未來一年體驗上主的同在。
2014，懷著信、滿有盼望、實踐愛。

On the eleventh day of 2014, I completed last year photo album.

Our 2013 was more than what the images captured.
The true light has come into the world.
Immanuel, God with us, may you experience His Presence in the coming year.
2014, live by faith, hope in Christ, abounded with love.

要寫，原是基於愛 To write again, as it is founded in love

已經不知想了多少遍，希望重新寫blog。但總是找不到時間和機會。這夏天所發生的事，叫我反覆思考生命。我又想到，即使文字何等不足以表達生命的複雜層面，我仍是要試著用文字記錄生活。要寫，原是基於愛。

I couldn’t count how many times I wanted to restart my blog writing. There was never the time and chance. What had happened in this summer, made me think deeply about life. I realized even written words are so limited in representing the complexity of life, I should still put things down. To write again, as it is founded in love.

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差不多兩年的時間，我和T每天也在等待新生命的到來。等待的過程時刻也感到孤單、失望。同時間這那些日子，正好把我們拉得更近。直到一天，那期待已久的生命終於降臨。我們心中有說不盡的喜悅。有些晚上，我會睡不了，靜靜的感受著生命在我肚腹中的奇妙。還有什麼能比這樣的距離要接近？我與小嬰兒的生命在重疊著。不由自主地，我對他說：「我很愛你。」這愛，是我從未認識的。

是炎熱的夏日，我與T 到醫院作檢查。醫生告訴我們，嬰孩沒有心跳的現象，這很有可能是流產。回到家中， 可以說的不多，只知到心很痛，像被撕掉一般。我哭，是很單純的難過。我跟神對話， 那一刻最清晰的思緒，是我很愛上主。沒想到在最痛的時候，我發現自己對神的愛。T在外走走回來，我跟他說我所領受，而他說那亦正是他剛深刻感受到的。

經過兩星期的驗血和檢查，流產的徵狀出現了。我要到醫院作手術。安靜的房間，身旁的護士叫我睡吧。慢慢地，我失去知覺。不知過了多久，我感受到光，迷糊的卻又是溫暖的。那一刻，我只有感受，沒有思考。我又感受到聲音，也許天使的歌聲便是這樣。又不知多久，我開始意識到自己剛經歷過什麼。神柔和的告訴我，嬰孩跟祂一起了，一切也好。死亡在我的身體內發生。還有什麼能比這樣的距離接近？ 與此同時永恆是真實的存在。我深刻的體會到死亡不是終結。

難過，是因我對孩子的思念。喜樂，因為我的孩子永恆地在美好的地方。神的同在，讓我有出人意外的平安。我的孩子啊！我很想你，也很愛你。主呀！感謝你的同行，感謝你從不離棄。

「如今常存的有信、有望、有愛這三樣，其中最大的是愛。」哥林多前書 13:13

It had been almost 2 years. T and I were looking forward for a new life in our family. The waiting time wasn’t easy. Loneliness and disappointment came in our way. Except those days brought us closer to one and other. Until one day, the new life that we had been waiting for finally arrived. There was unspeakable happiness in our heart. I couldn’t sleep at night sometimes, quietly amazed by the miraculous life that was in my belly. Is there any distance that could be closer than this? The life of the baby is overlapping with mine. I told this new life, how much I love him. This love, I never known before.

It was a hot summer day. A day for my check up at the hospital. The doctor told us that baby has no signs of heartbeat and it could possibly be a miscarriage. We went home, had not much to say. What I knew is that my heart was aching as if it had been torn. I cried, simply because of sadness. I talked to the Lord, and the clearest thought came in my mind was that I love God. I never imagine at the most painful moment; I discover my love to Jesus. Later, T came back from a walk, I shared with him what I received. And he said, that was exactly the same thing that he experienced.

The symptoms of miscarriage appeared after 2 weeks of blood test and examination. I had to have a surgery at the hospital. It was a quiet room. The nurse next to me said, “sleep”. Slowly, I lost my conscious. Not knowing how much time has passed, I sense light. It was blurry but warm. At that moment, I could only sense without thinking. Then I sense sound, maybe that how it sound when the angels sing. And after certain time, I started to recognize what I went through. Then God gently spoke to me that the baby is with Him, he is good. Death took place inside my body. Is there any distance that could be closer than this? However there is eternity. I deeply experience that death is not the end.

There is sadness, as I miss my child. There is joy, for my child is in eternity at the wonderful place. God’s presence gave me supernatural peace. My child, I love you and I miss you. Lord, thank you for walking with us, and thank you for never forsaking me.

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13

By Titus

How can I put the things I had experience into words? When I look back on the day we received the news that our little baby inside Hazel isn’t growing and there were no heart beat. And the possibility that it is a miscarriage. We were speechless. We were quiet. What could we say? I was trying my best to be strong for Hazel. But I remember being in the bathroom alone on that day crying out to God, “God, this kills me. This really hurts.”

After some weeks gone by, I slowly became depressed. I think it’s because sadness has overwhelmed me. Even though, we both had received peace from God, it was still hard to walk through each day.

But in the mist of it all, God has taking me on a journey with him. A journey into His presence. He has taken my lowly spirit and filled me with His joy. I didn’t know that I could experience such joy. I love God and I enjoy being with Him more than ever.

“You make know to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at you right hand are pleasures forevermore.”  Psalm 16:11

大概是

那天我站在禮堂中，身邊是認識不夠一星期、來自德國的交換生。忽然，我內心有一股強烈的感動。那一刻我對這女孩有一份難以形容的愛，很希望她能得到最好的，也願她的生命活得充實。頓了一會我又想，這份愛不是出於我的感覺。我跟她認識不深，說不上投契、還不是什麼朋友。那大概就是上主的愛。與此同時神本身也就是愛，那一刻的震撼大概是體味著與主同在。

01:39

又一個晚上睡不著.讀龔的blog,好文.在此分享:

Another sleepless night. Reading Kung’s blog. Good article, share it here:

Baptism of the Spirit (Mk1:4-11)

If you are asked how long you haven’t preached the gospel to your friends and relatives, how would you answer? You may be embarrassed how to answer. But I would argue that this question is wrongly asked. For me, the basic question is not preaching, but whether our lives are a witness to Jesus Christ as our Lord. The gospel is to be seen more than to be heard. This is the story of John the Baptist.

The role of John the Baptist is to prepare the way of the Lord, not for the sake to make the way easier for the Lord, but for the sake of the people to receive the Lord. In fact, Jesus never finds his way easier (Mk 14:36). John the Baptist is very clear his preparatory role, and he is happy to play such a role. We do not know much about his life, but the Scripture describes him clothed with camel’s hair, with a leather belt around his waist, and he ate locusts and wild honey. Who is this guy? Firstly, he may be a nazarite who voluntary takes the vow to be separated for God (Nu 6:1-21), for what Luke 1:15 has said about him, ‘drink no wine or liquor’, and this is what a nazarite has to be (Nu 6:3). Secondly, he may be a prophet, for clothed with camel’s hair is a common dressing among prophets at that time (Zech 13:4). Thirdly, he may be an ascetic, for eating locust and wild honey has implied his attempt to live on food that grows by itself instead of spending too much time on farming and keeping chicken. Fourthly, since the setting where John the Baptist is working is the wilderness, it is in contrast with the temple cult in Jerusalem. We can see later that John the Baptist’s fearless criticism of Herod Antipas (6:18) echoes Elijah’s confrontations with King Ahab (1Kings 18:18). Therefore, we can conclude that John the Baptist is more than the one who makes vow to be separated for God and lives ascetically, but also is the prophet who challenges the immoral and injustice of both the religious and secular authorities.

I would say that people at that time are persuaded to receive a baptism of repentance not just by John’s preaching, but also by his life, a nazarite, a prophet, an ascetic and a social activist. His life may help to build up his status. Unlike many charismatic leaders, John the Baptist is clear his preparatory role. He said, ‘The one who is more powerful than I is coming after me; I am not worthy to stoop down and untie the thong of his sandals.’ This is more than being humble, but also faithful to his call, that is, preparing the way of the Lord. The story of John the Baptist is not only asking us to repent, but also inviting us to be his comrades, not in the sense of eating locusts and wild honey only, but being humble to the Lord and prepare the way of the Lord. This invitation should not be a burden for our lives, for John the Baptist continues to say that ‘I have baptized you with water; but he (Jesus Christ) will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.’ It is in the baptism of the Holy Spirit that we are empowered.

Baptism of the Holy Spirit reminds us that we are children of God. Since we are the children of God, we are no longer servants. Since we are God’s children, we are loved and cared by God. No matter how well you have done or how misery your life may be, you are God’s children and you are still embraced. It is not the achievement that determines that you are God’s children, but rather it is the baptism of the Holy Spirit.

Baptism of the Holy Spirit reminds us that we have a new life. It is not just about restart, but a life with orientation and focus different from before. A new life is not marked whether you can play majong occasionally, but whether you are humble to God, that is, seeing your life as a means to serve instead of to gain for your own. We have to reflect in the light of the Holy Spirit what is humble to God as being a pastor, a housewife, a teacher, a manager, and a leader. Humble has nothing related to a soft character, but it is more about not abuse of power for our own.

Lastly, baptism of the Holy Spirit reminds us that we are gifted in order to serve God and others. Is speaking in tongue a necessary sign? Christians have discussed this since the early church. Paul in Cor 13 tells us that love amongst hope and faith is the greatest, but I would like to add the fourth, namely, courage. We need the courage not for the sake to fight, but the courage to be. ‘To be’ includes the courage to live in tragedy without loosing hope and fear, but with love and forgiveness.

When Jesus was receiving John’s baptism, the heavens torn apart and the Spirit descending like a dove on him. And a voice came from heaven, ‘You are my Son, the Beloved, I am well pleased.’ Let our faith in Jesus strengthen us to receive baptism of the Holy Spirit.