想到電影 A few things with film

我們這邊有個朋友，很喜歡《錦繡良緣》(Fiddler on the Roof, 1971)。每三個月便要重看這電影一次。這晚上又是重看的日子，我和T待了一會便回家了。坐下來想到自己和電影的關係。幾天前香港的朋友在電郵中告訴我電影節開幕了，問我有什麼的感受。這問題可難倒我了。離開有關電影的工作，原來差不多五年了。那我離電影本身，又有多遠呢？

We have a friend here who loves Fiddler on the roof (1971). Almost every 3 months, he would watch the movie again. Tonight is the screening night again, T and I stayed a little and we went home. Sitting in my living room, I think about my relation with film. A few days ago, a Hong Kong friend emailed me about the opening of the Hong Kong International Film Festival. She asked how is my feeling? This is a hard question for me. It is almost 5 years since I left the film related job. So how far did I leave film?

自09年離開從前的生活圈子，我跟電影總是充滿煩惱。煩惱一，人們問到我喜歡什麼電影，要不是不明我在說什麼，就是我不知如何解釋，又或是問我的人跟本沒有耐性聽完我要說的。另一煩惱，是當一班朋友說要看電影，問我要看什麼，又或是對他們的選擇有什麼看法，我總想不到一個能叫人理解的答案。還有一個煩惱，就是當人們討論新上畫的電影時，我沒法不變得沈默。五年過去，我從從前每天超過8小時談電影、寫電影、看電影，到現在的沈默。我不希望忘記自己跟電影的關係，所以在此寫下來，提醒自己。

In 2009, I left my circle of ‘life’, sine then, there is always trouble when talking about film. Trouble on, whenever people ask me what movie do it like, they either didn’t understand what I was talking about, or I didn’t know how to explain. Or people just have no patient to wait until I finish my answer. Trouble two, when a group of friend would like to see a film together, I have difficulties to give a simple response when they ask what Is my suggestion or what I think of their decision. And another trouble, whenever people talk about a new release, I could not help myself to be silent. Five years had past, from talking,writing, watching movies more than eight hours a day, to now, silent. I don’t want to forget my relation with cinema, so I am writing here to remind myself.

我的父母愛看電影，我和哥哥也深受影響。從前明珠台不時也會播歐洲電影，杜魯福（François Truffaut）的《四百擊》(Les quatre cents coups, 1951) 打開了我的電影視野，那時我大概是小學又或是初中生吧！《悲情城市》（1989）上映，小年紀的我和家人到戲院看。自己當時看不懂，但卻被電影的力量吸引了。又記得坐第一排看《牯嶺街少年殺人事件》（1991），和對自己看完該片的劇本而驕傲。

My parent like watching movies and it hugely influenced my brother and I. When I was little, the TV showed some European film once in a while. The 400 Blows （Les quatre cents coups, François Truffaut, 1951) opened my perspective to cinema. 1989 I went to the cinema with my family to see City of Sadness. I remember that I couldn’t understand but I was deeply moved by the power of cinema. I also remember I sat in the first row to see A Brighter Summer Day (1991), and proud of myself as I read through the whole script of the film.

中五的夏天在商台打暑期工。當年林海峰開拍短片《天空小說》（1995）。我本來是在公關部工作的，但當年的好同事知我喜歡電影，讓我去幫忙拍攝工作。十多天的拍攝，還有我要求參與後期，叫我真的愛上了電影。那個夏天時常下雨。拍攝多在晚上開始，到第二天的早上。收工時，van仔高速穿梭大雨中的公路。現在回想起來，真的有點超現實。天空小說的攝影是杜可風，編劇的除林海峰外，是彭浩翔，副導演為葉偉信，助美是文念中，劇照夏永康。這些和我共事半個夏天的人，多懂一點香港電影的也知道他們是誰。

The summer of 16, I worked at the Commercial Radio of Hong Kong. That year the famous radio host, Jan Lamb, made his his short film, Out of the Blue (1995). I was working at thePR department, and the nice coworkers let me to help with the film production. 10 days of shooting with the post production, I totally fell in love with filmmaking. That was a rainy summer. The shooting started at night and ended in the early morning. The working van drove through the rainy highway in Hong Kong at dawn time. When I think about those days, it was quiet surreal. The crew that I spent half of the summer with, the assistant director, the assistant art director, the scriptwriter, are now well known in the Hong Kong film industry.

中學畢業，到倫敦唸書去。除了做電影、攝影等的功課、去音樂會，就是看電影。新的，舊的，什麼也看。一年後回到香港，繼續讀電影、看電影、拍電影，還有跟好友們談電影。那時看香港國際電影節的節目，我總愛坐在第一排。我不喜歡受到別人的打擾，眼前只有銀幕，是我和電影的世界。多年後發現自己真的有點瘋。在文化中心坐第一排看電影，大概只會叫我全身作痛吧！

After graduate from high school, I studied in London. During those days, I spent most of my time doing film and photography project, going to concert and go to cinema. New ones, old ones, I saw whatever was available. A year after, I continue to study film in Hong Kong.continue to make film, to watch movies and discuses films with good friends. In the university years, when I saw movies during the film festival, I loved to sit at the front row. I don’t like to be disturb when I am watching a film. When I sit in the front, that is only the screen in front of me. That the world of me and the film alone. Years later, I recognized how crazy I was. Sitting in the front row of the Cultural Center for a movie, it only give me body arch, nothing else.

03年，到三藩市藝術學院讀電影。那是叫我謙卑的兩年。實驗電影讓我看到電影藝術的無限性。與些同時領略到製作電影的我的無力與限制。電影菲林及數碼錄像媒體，我從前花太少的時間去了解及認識他們。當那時想要把作品作完全的掌握，才發現自己的不足。書讀過了，對電影有更多問號。

2003, I started my study in San Francisco art institute. That were a humbling two years. Experimental films show me the unlimited possibilities of film art. At the same time, as a filmmaker, I experience my limitation. I realized I never spent my time energy to understand and know the medium of film and digital video. The material itself. And when I wanted to have full control of my work, I saw my weaknesses. After my study in San Francisco, I raise even more questions regarding film.

回香港後，在電影節和電影資料館工作。對香港電影及電影人加深了情感與尊重。與此同時，又一次謙卑的經驗。在一卷又一卷電影菲林中，看到歷史。我所認識的，能領會的實在微不足道。小時候就自己讀原整部《牯嶺街少年殺人事件》的劇本而沾沾自喜，現在想自己真是傻。

I worked at the International Film Festival and Film Archive after I got back to Hong Kong. My respect and love to Hong Kong cinema and filmmaker increased. Again, another humbling experience. In the mountain of film cans, I saw history. When I knew was only the surface. When I was little, I could proud of myself by reding a film script. I was so silly.

這些我和電影的事，記下來了。那我的煩惱，又該如何解決？還是，我只要改變對所謂煩惱的態度就成了？說到底，我不是從來也喜歡一個人看電影？我和電影之間，又何需別人的理解？

These are some of my stories with films. I recorded them down. But how bout my troubles? Or maybe I could simply change my attitude to look at those so called “troubles”? After all, I love to see movie alone. Is it really necessary for others to know what’s between me and cinema?